Suitor or Stalker... and How Do We Know?

I was scrolling through #YesAllWomen on Facebook last night and one of the posts caught my eye.  At the time, of course, I just clicked on it, read it and moved on.  Since then it has stayed with me.  Regrettably I was unable to relocate that post today but even without the link I am sure most of you understand the subject all too well.

The post was about all the various, and although non-violent, annoying responses they get when turning a man down.  Those times when 'No you can't have my number...' are followed by 'But I'll make it worth your while...' or when after a bad date you stop returning their phone calls and suddenly you notice their car outside your window, or find unwanted flowers at your office. 



Heath Ledger in 'Ten Things I Hate About You'

This made me immediately think of countless romantic comedy movies I have watched over the years.  Movies where the leading female character is too fixated on her career or her previously broken heart to see Mr. Wonderful standing in front of her.  She spends half of the movie turning him down.  While he is so in love with her that he simply cannot give up.  Finally his escapades work and she caves, often with a deal that if she goes out with him once she never has to talk to him again.  Of course they fall madly in love with each other and live happily ever after. 

Mark Wahlberg in 'Fear'
http://wrennswritebrainers.com/2014/02/11/messed-up-movie-romances/

On the flip side we have all seen movies, often on Lifetime, showing the other side of that coin.  The movies where Mr. Wonderful quickly turns into Mr. Stalker.  There is no happily ever after and the lead female spends the last half of this movie changing her phone number, her address, her name and praying that Stalker-boy does not find her.  Of course he does, and from there the chances of her surviving the film can be determined by flipping a coin. 

Every woman I have ever known has had an experience that walks this fine line.  Weight, age, race, even current relationship status mean nothing.  I was actually rather young when I had my first run in with one of these hopelessly 'romantic' guys.

I was a freshman in high school when an upper classman began to cast his eyes my way.  He was a tall strong boy and rather outspoken, he also was not overly popular.  We got to know each other because his older sister would drive us to an after school activity we were both involved in.  I simply was not interested.  But he asked me out, many times, and I always said no as politely as I could, I needed his sister as a ride you know. 

I do not recall the actual progression of things anymore but I do recall a few events that really stuck out.  He would stick notes in my locker through the little slots at the top, and once figured out how to break into my locker, around Valentines Day, and put a note and a few chocolate roses in it.  This might have been romantic, but I wasn't interested and sending me notes and chocolates was something a boyfriend would do, it was creepy.  I realized by things he said that he was checking up on me too, asking my friends where I was and what I was doing.  Once he even carved my first initial in his calf, which was somehow supposed to impress me.  It didn't. 

I distinctly recall being invited to his birthday party one year.  I got very few social invitations and so I went.  His family lived on a farm so there was a large plot of land to roam around on.  At one point someone suggested it would be fun to play hide-and-seek.  All of the places I hid were close to the house, I remember thinking that I did not want to be found too far away from the others.  What exactly I thought might happen I'm not sure.  But I was a girl, and as a girl you pick up on certain survival skills, and that night I just knew that getting too far away was not safe.  Luckily nothing happened that night, and eventually he got the message that I was not going to 'cave in'.  Years later it was apparent that he was still interested but was no longer persistent.  I suffered mostly from some very awkward and uncomfortable situations. 

How is a girl to know though?  In our culture it really is a gamble... is that guy who won't leave you alone really in love with you?  Are you ignoring Mr. Wonderful from the romantic comedy?  Or are you steering clear of a Lifetime Movie villain who will terrorize your life and possibly do much worse?